October 2- one year later

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One year ago today, I began the darkest period of my life. On October 2, 2015, we received the devastating news that our second child's heartbeat was slowing and was on the brink of being gone forever. The news was particularly heartbreaking, as we'd really struggled to conceive this child. Several hours later, everything would be over, and that little life would be no more. In the months following, I truly didn't think I'd ever emerge from the pain and depression I felt. All of this may sound quite dramatic and ridiculous, but it's truly how I felt.

We also had lost Emorie's identical twin when we were eight weeks pregnant with her, but the joys of having one healthy child remaining overshadowed any grief we felt for our lost child. This is why the loss of our second baby hit us so much harder.

I could be sad today and mourn the child, but I've spent so many months doing that already. So, instead, I'm going to be grateful for what has happened since. It took me almost six months to feel like myself again, and during that six months, I did the only things I knew how to do- pray, get reacquainted with my Bible, and lean on those the closest to me. Only after months of prayer and the shoulders of some very dear friends did I feel myself coming back to life. 

Out of the darkness came a renewed faith in God, a stronger marriage as the two of us needed to lean on each other to understand this, and the comfort of a loving God who never left me, even when I was so sure He had. I learned to trust Him even more. 

I remember driving to work one morning sometime in January 2015, and crying and asking the Lord if I ever would have anymore children. I can't explain it, but after saying those words aloud, I immediately felt comforted. I decided then to just trust God's timing. 

Two months later, on the day before Michael's birthday, I found out we were indeed pregnant again. I was overjoyed, but overly worried as well. "What if" after "What if" circled around in my head, and with every ultrasound and doctor's appointment, I'd hold my breath, expecting the worst. I had to remind myself that God knew what He was doing, and His will would be done. 

One year after losing our precious second baby, we are now 32 weeks along with another sweet girl- Aubrey Reed. After every storm comes a rainbow of hope. Though we've yet to see her face, I can already tell she is full of personality. I know in my heart if either of those other babies have lived, we'd never have had any other children, and Aubrey wouldn't be arriving soon. God knew what He was doing. I'm not saying I'm thankful for the miscarriage, but I am thankful for the blessings God gave us afterward. 

I would never wish this experience on anyone, but if you're ever faced with a miscarriage, do whatever you need to to grieve. Cry, mourn, or talk about it, and don't feel guilty about it. Depression is real and it can't be swept under the rug. Pray about it, even when it's hard. Even when you're angry at God (I was. It's normal). Lean on your spouse, close friends, or family. You need to hurt and you need to grieve.  Some have suggested planting trees or rose bushes in memory of your child. Others have suggested participating in a Walk for Remembrance. 

Most importantly, take care of yourself. Don't lose hope- God has a plan for your life and only He knows what's in store for you. 

DIY: a chalkboard with a purpose

Last week, I started on a chalkboard that I had been making for sometime, got too busy too finish, and then didn't finish.  I'm still not finished, but I wanted to share the progress made thus far. This has been such a failure that I almost didn't want to share it, but I want to be real with my readers. And being real means that you need to know that I don't always have projects that work well.

I'm definitely leaning more toward the "Pin-fail" category with this Pinterest inspired project. The ends are not yet trimmed, and it isn't quite finished, but my stenciled letters are not what I wanted them to be. I'm thinking of getting a friend with a Cricut to cut out "verse of the week" in vinyl for me, seal it and call it a day.I'm thinking of cutting this part off and just making a shorter chalkboard. I feel like it might be too big anyway. Maybe I'll like it better when it's trimmed out, but as of right now, I'm just not feeling it.  The wood-plank to chalkboard thing means that even if you sand your board, the surface is still rough and it makes it hard to write on it with anything other than chalk. I bought some chalk markers and couldn't use them. Boo.

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Another thing that changed: the chalkboard was originally intended for the playroom, but I thought I would rather put it in the kitchen for all of us to enjoy. Since it's in a public part of the house, it's going to have to look "public worthy."

I'm thinking of cutting it down, using vinyl to spell out the phrase, trimming it out, and I think that will much improve things. 

Sunday Musings: One dollar

About three weeks ago, our pastor handed out dollar bills to each family- each member of each family at church. He challenged each of us to put that dollar toward something that would make more dollars, and on November 1, we are going to turn in those dollars, plus the money that they made. The money will benefit our church's building program.

I thought long and hard about what to do with my dollar, and I just couldn't come up with anything good. Everything I came up with would have been expensive and time-consuming to make, and I didn't think anyone would be terribly interested in what I came up with.

I kept thinking about making art prints with Scripture verses on them, like the one I made here:

I downloaded some new fonts, typed out some of my favorite verses, and I got to work. I came up with these:

I'm selling these prints for $4 for a 5x7 print in an 8X10 mat (sorry, not selling them framed), or $5 for an 8X10 print in an 11X14 mat. If you purchase them online, I will send you the electronic copy for $3. I'll do any Bible verse or quote you want, but I cannot do song lyrics (copyright issues). I also won't create a print of anything inappropriate (sex, drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc). 

I am also selling burlap initial prints, like this one: 

They will also not be sold framed and are $4. I can do any initial, but can only do black ink. 

All proceeds will go to Moon's Chapel Baptist Church. Please email adboone5209@gmail.com to order prints or burlap initial prints. 

Sunday Musings: My testimony

I had said last Sunday that I'd be sharing my testimony this week. I really, really wanted everyone to forget I said that. I'm not ashamed at all of my journey or my faith, but sometimes it's just way too hard to be transparent. The Lord has really been dealing with me lately about the fact that I don't share my faith nearly enough.

As I said last week, I had really been hoping and praying for an opportunity to use my writing to bring Him glory, when it occurred to me that I DO have this blog. I follow a number of fellow bloggers who are Christian, and certainly they don't shy away from sharing their faith and even examples from their own life.

I write this not to offend anyone, but rather I write it in the hopes that someone will read it and be inspired to do the same.

When I was a child, I was raised in a Christian home, with two parents who both had been brought up in church and in the faith. As a young child, we really didn't attend or belong to a church, and didn't actively begin attending church until I was in about the fourth grade. We visited different churches but never really found anywhere we felt we belonged. Still, despite the lack of church attendance, I was enrolled in a Christian preschool and eventually, Christian school. It was about that time we found a church and began to actively attend.

A few short years later, my Christian school closed, and I transitioned to a public high school. When the preacher at that sweet little church moved onto another congregation, we began attending a much larger church in town and most of my youth group was comprised of kids from my school that I had little in common with and didn't really interact with outside of church. Still, I loved that little group and looked forward to learning from my Sunday School teachers each week. I had been in Fellowship of Christian Athletes as a middle school student, but didn't pursue any Christian clubs or events as a high school student. Sadly, I feel like I was still trying to find my place and was too self-conscious to be overly vocal about my faith at school. Still, while at church one Sunday, I made a public decision to get saved and follow God. Sadly, this was a decision to which  I didn't fully dedicate myself.

I went on to college- a small liberal arts college about 4 hours from home in the NC mountains. When I look back at my life, I realize that these were the years when I began to turn away from God and my faith, and put my faith in other things- things that were completely and totally against what my church and my Bible said.

I dated a person who didn't go church and claimed not to believe in God. I began to drink and hang out with people who drank. I watched TV shows and listened to music that was anything but Godly. My Bible collected dust and I only went to church when I was at home and my parents made me go.
When I graduated and began life on my own outside of college, things were no better. Same boyfriend, same bad habits, same absence from church.

Fast forward to the fall after my summer 2006 graduation, and I was beginning to realize that the boyfriend wasn't who I needed to be with. I broke up with the boyfriend. I moved away from Greensboro to a house just a half hour from my parents, and I began to focus on all the things in my life I didn't like. My mom mentioned working with a nurse at the doctor's office who was a pastor's wife. This lady had invited Mama to her church and we decided we'd try it.

We felt very welcomed at this church and we continued to attend. We actually still attend this church today, as a matter of fact. After about three months of attending our new church, I once again made the decision to trust the Lord for salvation. This time, I was sincere. My parents and joined the church shortly afterward and I was baptized.

What happened next was really neat. I had been searching for a place to live, and decided to build a house. Once my house was completed, I began shopping homeowner's insurance rates. The agent I ended up purchasing my policy from turned out to have a good-looking single nephew. You can probably guess what happened next :)

Just a year and seven months after we started dating, he and I were married in our church. He too is a Christian and has been saved by Grace- he was saved and baptized at our church as well. Our life together has included many blessings- a sweet little girl, another sweet little girl soon to be born, a home we both love and cherish, and a good marriage. We've endured a lot of trials and heartaches as well- the loss of two sweet babies, infertility, and my dad's cancer diagnoses (yes, plural)- but we feel like to Lord has used those experiences to strengthen and grow us not only as Christians but as humans.

I just realized just how long this post is :) I apologize for writing soooo much, but I do thank you for reading it. I just wanted to take the opportunity to show you that if God can save me, he can save anyone. I am far from a perfect person, and although I am saved, I am still far from perfect. But I do serve a perfect God.

He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time. 2 Timothy 1:9 

For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved.

Romans 10:10 
Linking to Stonegable, Worthing Court, Cedar Hill Farmhouse, Confessions of a Plate Addict, and French Country Cottage!